3/2/16
A long time ago in an island far far away… a youthful beast was born crying, pooping and peeing all day but on his special day of the year his mother Grendles mother had told him to grow up. He had to do what every baby is scared to do… he had to become potty trained!… he was trifled of the wooden bowl in front of him it was called the potty, and the writing carved on this side it said Grendle. The horror he thought.
He couldn’t take it any more he ran in circles around the room in rage and broke the door down. His mother saw the potential her son had. Grendle never came back but 3 days later he came and he came with food, with the flesh of rotting humans and animals his mother was proud. Back in the village… funeral after funeral peasants tears running down their faces and families finding it difficult to make a living.
the poor where even poorer and the rich where wealthier the village became emptier and bodies started rotting. Grendle became a problem. Back with Grendle it was like an all you can eat buffet with rotting bodies every where…
February 5, 2016 at 9:45 am
Daniel,
I like your second paragraph, as it allows us the opportunity to explore Grendel’s time of maturity – what did he do when he disappeared. Your opening sentence is also effective as it encourages us to think back to other fables and myths.
I think you ihave too many ideas here and this may make your piece a little confusing for your reader.
Re-read your sentence structures and try to use commas to separate your clauses (separate pieces of information).
May 27, 2016 at 10:16 am
Boost Achieved!